An illustration of the Egyptian goddess Bastet.

Tinkers (And The Giant Slide)


[A PHARAOH paces in his palace room nervously. The sound of horns. The massive doors to the room open. Two small cats enter flanking TINKERS, a gigantic two legged hominoid cat woman twice the size of the pharaoh. Seeing Tinkers, the pharaoh promptly drops to his knees and prostrates himself on the floor.]

PHARAOH: Tinkers, you have returned.

[With a simple gesture Tinkers orders the pharaoh to stand.]

TINKERS: Indeed. I have returned to inspect the construction. Remember, I’m counting on you Egyptians to complete everything on time.

PHARAOH: The last stones are being put into place right now, master. We’ve laboured for centuries in honour of you, our gods. Finally, we can say we have completed your request.

TINKERS: Perfect, then everything is in place for the great experiment?

PHARAOH: Err, yeah, about that. Can you remind me what the great experiment is?

TINKERS: (FRUSTRATED) Is it done or not?

PHARAOH: We’ve constructed everything you asked for.

TINKERS: Great. Gigantic are they?

PHARAOH: Massive!

TINKERS: Made of stone?

PHARAOH: Of course.

TINKERS: And the giant slides down the middle?

PHARAOH: Giant slides?

TINKERS: Don’t tell me you forgot about the giant slides!


TINKERS: Oh you fools! Didn’t you have the blueprints? How else are people going to slide down on their faces into the massive tub of spaghetti? How else are people going to be humiliated and forced to lick themselves for hours afterwards to externalise their embarrassment? It’s the ultimate revenge! For all those years being thrown off apartment balconies just to see if we’d land on our feet, for all the times we were forced to wear pieces of bread around our heads just for your amusement. It’s the reason we took over Earth in the year 3000 and travelled back in time. Revenge! Didn’t you read the project brief?

PHARAOH: Well, that’s the thing. [He reveals a document from his back pocket] My interpreters had some troubles …

TINKERS: What?! Give me the brief! [Tinkers snatches the document and reads aloud] Meow meow meow meow meow hhssssssss meow meow meow … I don’t understand, this explains everything in complete detail. Damn your incompetence! Right then, you give me no choice. I’ll just have to go to the Aztecs. A little more expensive I admit, but I highly doubt they’ll get it wrong.


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