[An INTERVIEWER and his crew trudge allow a narrow rocky path etched into the cliffside of a remote coast. A small shack overlooking the sea can be seen ahead of them. Two cameramen carefully keep their cameras on the interviewer, working the angles, while the boom operator, struggles to contend with the fierce wind all
[Two fluffy white clouds are laying on their backs atop a hill, arms behind their heads, looking up at the clear blue sky. One cloud chews on a long piece of wheat while the other suddenly points upwards.] CLOUD 1: Hey, that cloud looks like a … [Cloud 2 squints. Slowly, a human woman suspended
A woman, wearing overalls and a sun hat, hacks away at a large bushy shrub in her front yard in the midday sunshine, with a large pair of shears and an ever bigger smile on her face. The camera should ever so gradually zoom in on the shrub. SHRUB [VOICEOVER]: That’s it, a little bit
MAN: Yes, that’s right, the complete works. No, that’s the thing. We want it typed out again. All of it. Word by word. Remember, no mistakes. You get to the end of King Lear, muck it up, you’ll have to start all over again. Control C? Control V? That would be cheating wouldn’t it? Anyway,
INT. APARTMENT, KITCHEN – DAY Toast pops up in the toaster. A young man, alone in the apartment, butters it and covers it with thick red jam. A large orange tomcat walks into the room and stops for a moment to look at the man curiously as the man puts on a set of thick oven mitts.
INT. DAY – URBAN “CAREER CENTRE” [A CAREER GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR SITS BEHIND A SMALL DESK AND A COMPUTER. ON THE OTHER SIDE SITS A MIDDLE-AGED BEARDED LEONARD DA VINCI.] COUNSELLOR: So, Leonardo, can I call you Leo? What kind of job do you think you might be well-suited for? DA VINCI: I do quite like biology,
[A MAN AND A WOMAN SIT AT AN EMPTY DINNER TABLE.] WOMAN: Look, I’m breaking up with you. I can’t do this anymore. MAN: What isa dis? You tinka you’re jusa gonna run outona me? Who a gonna look after you like I do? Who a gonna provide for you like I do? Whosa a
EXT. URBAN GARDEN – DAY [BIRDS SOFTLY CHIRPING, CRICKETS HUMMING IN THE GRASS, THE DISTANT GROWL OF A LAWN MOWER.] MAN: Mathilda, my dear, why don’t you wear that fancy blue dress? The one you wore last summer? You know, it’s my favourite. No, no. You’re putting it on all wrong. Backwards in fact. Let
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. [The television show HOST sits with a microphone beside ROBERT, a rather nondescript looking man dressed in nondescript clothes, sitting on a nondescript chair. A live audience looks on.] HOST: Robert, you claim to be able to use one hundred percent of your brain is this correct? ROBERT: Yes, that is correct sir.
Featuring yours truly! Wish I had a pet pig!