INT. CROWDED BAR – NIGHT [MERV and BILL are sitting at a small table in a bar both drinking a beer when a very attractive young woman walks by, dressed in leather. Their mouths drop as she passes.] MERV: What I would give to get into her pants! BILL: Aw yeah! [MERV slips off into a daydream …]
INT. EGYPTIAN PALACE – DAY [A PHARAOH paces in his palace room nervously. The sound of horns. The massive doors to the room open. Two small cats enter flanking TINKERS, a gigantic two legged hominoid cat woman twice the size of the pharaoh. Seeing Tinkers, the pharaoh promptly drops to his knees and prostrates himself on the
EXT. CHURCH ENTRANCE, SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE – DAY [A LONE TOURIST, A MAN, STANDS WAITING ON A STREET CORNER AT THE ENTRANCE OF A CHURCH WITH A LARGE MAP IN HIS HANDS, APPARENTLY LOST. AFTER A SHORT WHILE, A WOMAN APPROACHES HIM WITH A CAMERA IN HAND.] WOMAN: Excuse me? MAN: Sure, I’ll take your picture.
INT. APARTMENT, KITCHEN – DAY Toast pops up in the toaster. A young man, alone in the apartment, butters it and covers it with thick red jam. A large orange tomcat walks into the room and stops for a moment to look at the man curiously as the man puts on a set of thick oven mitts.
INT. APARTMENT, KITCHEN – DAY LUCY: Martin, coming rowing tomorrow? MICK: I can’t. Tennis elbow. [ZOOM IN ON AN ANGRY FACE ON MARTIN’S ELBOW.] ELBOW: Oy! What did I tell you about wasting time chatting? Get back on the court you bum! Ten thousand balls a day! You know the drill! You wanna be the
INT. DAY – URBAN “CAREER CENTRE” [A CAREER GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR SITS BEHIND A SMALL DESK AND A COMPUTER. ON THE OTHER SIDE SITS A MIDDLE-AGED BEARDED LEONARD DA VINCI.] COUNSELLOR: So, Leonardo, can I call you Leo? What kind of job do you think you might be well-suited for? DA VINCI: I do quite like biology,
EXT. URBAN GARDEN – DAY [BIRDS SOFTLY CHIRPING, CRICKETS HUMMING IN THE GRASS, THE DISTANT GROWL OF A LAWN MOWER.] MAN: Mathilda, my dear, why don’t you wear that fancy blue dress? The one you wore last summer? You know, it’s my favourite. No, no. You’re putting it on all wrong. Backwards in fact. Let
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. [The television show HOST sits with a microphone beside ROBERT, a rather nondescript looking man dressed in nondescript clothes, sitting on a nondescript chair. A live audience looks on.] HOST: Robert, you claim to be able to use one hundred percent of your brain is this correct? ROBERT: Yes, that is correct sir.
[A MAN dressed in a suit and holding a briefcase, stands waiting, checking his watch from time to time on stage left. WOMAN enters stage right.] WOMAN: Telephone? MAN: For me? WOMAN: No, you have one? MAN: A telephone? WOMAN: Yes. MAN: No. WOMAN: Oh. [A long pregnant pause.] WOMAN: Why don’t you have a