Illustration of Prince Charles.

Prince Charles considers plastic surgery

[Prince Charles sits patiently in a chair beside a doctor’s desk as the doctor sitting on a swivel chair with wheels shines a torch down his left ear, then spins around to check out the right.]

DOCTOR: Well, I must say, your ears are outstanding.
PRINCE CHARLES: Why, thank you!
DOCTOR: Out standing from your head.
DOCTOR: We can pin the ears back here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and yes ... [The doctor spins around the back of Prince Charles] … here.
PRINCE CHARLES: Well, they tell me you’re the best otoplasty surgeon in the world. I have complete confidence in your abilities. Now, this might sound like a rather stupid question, but will it affect my hearing?
DOCTOR: No more than your sense of balance.
PRINCE CHARLES: But I can hear perfectly fine, even standing on one leg.
DOCTOR [Back beside Prince Charles now]: Ah, no. Common misconception that. Our ears actually help us to balance. [He picks up a small anatomical learning device of the inner ear] You see, in the inner ear, there are three small loops above the cochlea called semicircular canals. Like the cochlea, they are also filled with liquid and have thousands of microscopic hairs. It is this system that tells us whether we have our feet firmly on the ground. Upset these hairs or the liquid and you start to feel nauseous.
PRINCE CHARLES: I thought you were simply folding them back?
DOCTOR: Couldn’t you carry around a long pole?
PRINCE CHARLES: For navigating high-wires?
DOCTOR: For hitting people over the head who make fun of your ears?


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