g shepherd - The Good Shepherd

The Good Shepherd


[RACHAEL, dressed in a smart black suit, with her hair neatly tied back into a bun, sits in a large leather chair behind a large mahogany desk on which sits a name plaque: “RACHAEL CHARLSTON, CEO”. A timid knock at the door. PATRICK, a young somewhat scrawny man, walks into the office and after a nod from RACHAEL, takes his seat in front of her desk.]

RACHAEL: I’m glad you could come in today Patrick. Now, Patrick. I need to talk to you about your behaviour in the office. There have been several complaints from the female staff, and even a couple of the male staff mind you, about sexual harassment.

PATRICK: But I didn’t. I would never. I really never …

RACHAEL: No, no Patrick. You see, that’s the problem. You’re a good looking man. Everyone sees it. You have a lot going for you. You’re smart, driven, healthy … glowing skin, and yet you haven’t attempted a single sexual advance on another colleague. Now, explain yourself.

PATRICK: I … I thought it would be inappropriate.

RACHAEL: Define inappropriate.

PATRICK: The unwanted social behaviour distinguished by …

RACHAEL: There are several women who have come into my office in tears saying that you won’t even slap them on the arse as they walk by through the hall.

PATRICK: It’s politically incorrect.

RACHAEL: You have so much to learn. So much to learn. Dear, dear Patrick. The second issue is that I don’t have your pay check this week. In fact, I might never have it. But Patrick, maybe there’s another way, the chief executive officer, in other words me, can pay you for all your hard work.

PATRICK: Oh, but, I … Ms. Charlston.

[Rachael gets up from her desk and slowly moves around it over to Patrick’s side like a lioness stalking her prey.]

RACHAEL: Remember that visualisation seminar I paid for last month, for the staff? Remember that? How to take visual holidays, in your mind, to help you relax. To free yourself of stress. To improve productivity … [NOW BEHIND HIM, MASSAGING HIS SHOULDERS SEDUCTIVELY] Imagine a field, a Welsh field. Yes, close your eyes now Patrick. You’re in a field in Wales. The sky is dark and grey, but slowly clearing up. The sun is poking through a hole. In the sky. You are a shepherd, Patrick. Imagine! Yes, there you are, a Welsh shepherd. Yes I’m here too. I can see you now. With your staff, upright. And I’m a little wooly lamb in the meadow. Baaaaa … Baaaaa … We can’t help ourselves Patrick. We’re just animals aren’t we?

[Rachael moves around in front of Patrick now, and crawls onto his lap.]

PATRICK: Oh Rachael! Yes! Yes! Yes!

[They kiss passionately. Hands going everywhere.]

RACHAEL: Call me your dirty little lambchop!

PATRICK: Oh, Rachael! My dirty little lambchop!

[Rachael suddenly stops, stands up in front of Patrick, realigns her suit and straightens her hair.]

RACHAEL: [STERN, COMPOSED] Right. That’s quite enough.

[She returns to her seat behind the desk as Patrick watches confused.]

RACHAEL: I’m afraid you have failed the sexual harassment in the work place test. I had such high hopes for you Patrick. Such high hopes.

[Patrick exits the room, his head hung low.]


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