Da Vinci At The Career Centre

An illustration of Leonardo da Vinci.

April 5, 2017 • Comedy • Views: 127

INT. DAY – URBAN “CAREER CENTRE”

[A CAREER GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR SITS BEHIND A SMALL DESK AND A COMPUTER. ON THE OTHER SIDE SITS A MIDDLE-AGED BEARDED LEONARD DA VINCI.]

COUNSELLOR: So, Leonardo, can I call you Leo? What kind of job do you think you might be well-suited for?

DA VINCI: I do quite like biology, anatomy, inventing new things, anything in the sphere of science really, music I suppose, mathematics definitely, engineering, writing, geology, astronomy, botany, history, and cartography. Got anything in palaeontology, iconology or architecture, sculpture? Perhaps I could be a parachutist, like an instructor, or even in the military? Yes, the military! I could design helicopters, or tanks, military weapons, military strategy?

COUNSELLOR: Yeah, um Leo, the thing is, to do most of those things you need formal accreditation or specific degrees.

DA VINCI: Degree? What is this thing you call a degree? Geometry? Yes, geometry would be good.

COUNSELLOR: No, you need to be accredited. You need to have your skills official recognised. It takes years to learn any of the things you mentioned. [THE COUNSELLOR SIGHS, SITS BACK IN HIS CHAIR] Leo, you know why you’re here don’t you?

DA VINCI: Not completely.

COUNSELLOR: You can’t just break into morgues, Leo.

DA VINCI: I was learning.

COUNSELLOR: Yeah, but those corpses have families Leo. And they didn’t really appreciate walking in to identify their loved ones and to find out you had been cutting them up like some demonic Jack the Ripper. A whole squad of parachutists, Leo. As if they weren’t already in a state.

DA VINCI: If they had used my designs …

[THE COMPUTER LIGHTS UP. DING!]

COUNSELLOR: [TURNING HIS ATTENTION BACK TO HIS COMPUTER] Aha, here we go. There’s a janitor job just come up down at the local pub? Interested?

DA VINCI: Would I be learning new things? Expanding my horizons? Contributing to civilisation and the societal evolution of humankind?

COUNSELLOR: Says here you would be an “industrial hygienist”. Sounds inviting! You would be responsible for cleaning out the toilets, the troughs, the basins, the chunder off the floor. All basically the same thing really.

DA VINCI: I think I would prefer parachuting.

COUNSELLOR: [SIGHS AGAIN, TURNS OFF THE COMPUTER] The army then?

DA VINCI: Sì.

THE END.

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